One of those email fwds I found in my mailbox ....liked it enough to keep it, and here it is:
SINCE MY LAST REPORT, HE HAS REACHED ROCK BOTTOM AND HAS STARTED TO DIG.
HIS MEN WOULD FOLLOW HIM ANYWHERE, BUT ONLY OUT OF MORBID CURIOSITY.
I WOULD NOT ALLOW THIS EMPLOYEE TO BREED.
THIS EMPLOYEE IS NOT REALLY SO MUCH OF A HAS-BEEN, BUT MORE OF A DEFINITE WON'T BE.
WORKS WELL WHEN UNDER CONSTANT SUPERVISION AND CORNERED LIKE A RAT IN A TRAP.
WHEN SHE OPENS HER MOUTH, IT SEEMS THAT IT IS ONLY TO CHANGE WHICHEVER FOOT WAS PREVIOUSLY IN THERE.
THIS YOUNG LADY HAS DELUSIONS OF ADEQUACY SHE SETS LOW PERSONAL STANDARDS AND THEN CONSTANTLY FAILS TO ACHIEVE THEM.
THIS EMPLOYEE SHOULD GO FAR-AND THE SOONER HE STARTS, THE BETTER THIS EMPLOYEE IS DEPRIVING A VILLAGE SOMEWHERE OF AN IDIOT
NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER
GOT INTO THE GENE POOL WHILE THE LIFEGUARD WASN'T LOOKING
A ROOM TEMPERATURE I.Q.
GOT A FULL 6-PACK, BUT LACKS THE PLASTIC THINGY TO HOLD IT ALL TOGETHER
A GROSS IGNORAMUS--144 TIMES WORSE THAN AN ORDINARY IGNORAMUS
A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY BUT WITH THE LENS COVER GLUED ON.
A PRIME CANDIDATE FOR NATURAL SELECTION
ONE-CELLED ORGANISMS OUT SCORE HIM ON I.Q. TEST
FELL OUT OF THE FAMILY TREE
GATES ARE DOWN, THE LIGHTS ARE FLASHING, BUT THE TRAIN ISN'T COMING.
HAS TWO BRAINS; ONE IS LOST AND THE OTHER IS OUT LOOKING FOR IT.
HE'S SO DENSE, LIGHT BENDS AROUND HIM
IF YOU WERE TO GIVE HIM A PENNY FOR HIS THOUGHTS, YOU'D GET CHANGE
IF YOU STAND CLOSE ENOUGH TO HIM, YOU CAN HEAR THE OCEAN
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT HE BEAT OUT 1,000,000 OTHER SPERM
SOME DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE-HE ONLY GARGLED
TAKES HIM 4 HOURS TO WATCH 60 MINUTES
WHEEL IS TURNING, BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD